After all of the anticipation, the exhaustion, the hours of reading and trying to get it into my head exactly what it was going to be like to birth, hold, and keep my baby, there she was. Just like that. Sure the labor process took me eight hours, but it certainly wasn't the one to two days I was expecting. I've recently heard someone describe a baby being born as "the most commonplace of miracles." That's exactly how I felt. Probably the most miraculous thing I had ever or will ever experience (in this life) had come to pass, but now it was time to start doing normal things again like eating, walking, sleeping, and making conversation. These things didn't come so easy at first, but the whole experience made me feel brand new. I knew how to do these things, but I didn't know how to do them as a mother, and everything felt different than it had before.
Our poor family was in the waiting room for I don't even know how long. Time went by so fast for Brad and I, it felt like it could have only been a couple of hours. From what I heard later, it didn't feel all that fast to them :) Like I said in the last post, I spent about two to three hours after she was born being stitched back together and with a lactation consultant giving Avery the chance to try and nurse as soon as we were able to. And then, at long last, everyone was allowed in to meet the baby. While they were becoming acquainted with her, I realized that I had missed out on one of the perks of hospital labor- ice chips. The weather outside had been so miserably hot around that time that I was really looking forward to munching on ice chips during my labor, however ridiculous that might seem. Everything happened so fast that I had missed out on them. A nurse came and asked me if I'd like anything to eat or (to my surprise) a soda. I took the opportunity to ask for some ice chips. She laughed and said I could have some, but that I really needed to try and eat as soon as possible. "Eat?" I wondered to myself. For some reason it felt like I was done with eating.
We were blessed to have many visitors. Brad's parents and sister were there. My parents, stepmom, grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousin were all there. My sister was even there via my dad's cell phone with some sort of video call. I was constantly accompanied by nurses who did everything for me. My first time out of bed, two of them lifted me and put me in a wheel chair. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to walk. I mean, of course, my legs were numb from the epidural, but for some reason I still felt I'd be able to walk. When the weight of my body was upon my legs, I was very grateful they were there to hold me up.
The rest of the day is a blur now. I was taken to another room, where we would be for the next two days. In my last blog I explained how I had tested positive for Strep B, which meant a longer hospital stay to observe the baby and make sure all was well. I was thankful for the extra time there after my rough labor. The nurse's button on the bed was my friend. If Brad was sleeping, one of the nurse's could come and bring her to me to nurse. Visitors filtered in and out. When I finally thought about food, they gave me a number to dial on the phone in there and a menu. Basically, order whatever you want on the menu, and it will be brought up to you. I was ready to move in :) And then, sometime around 10:00 p.m., Brad and I were alone with our baby. It was very strange, and very wonderful.
The night was, for the most part, a sleepless one. I didn't mind. The nurses kept taking Avery to bathe her or do routine check ups. I believe their intention in doing that during the night was to give me some time to sleep, but I didn't sleep a moment while she was gone. I couldn't. I laid in bed and sleepily watched the door until she came back. Brad on the other hand...lol. It was amazing to me how instinctual mothering really is. I had read so many times not to take your baby into bed with you, because it's a SIDS risk and you might roll over onto the baby (which I've since read opposing opinions on), but it just seemed like the right thing to do. That night, when the epidural wore off, I found out just how badly my tailbone was injured, and laying on my side was just the right position to nurse her in. I now believe that, in that first week especially, a baby just belongs close to mom as often as possible. We both just slept so much better together. She hardly fussed at all if she was near me. One time, during that first night, they brought her back to me on one of those little baby carts with that clear container on top that she's supposed to sleep in. She started fussing, and I sleepily reached over and just put my hand over her feet. She quieted down and went back to sleep. I remembered all those times when she was in the womb that she would press her feet up against my skin, and I would stroke them and chase them around wherever she moved them. I wondered if my hand on her feet felt familiar.
Then came that wonderful first morning. With my tail bone hurting so bad, I didn't get out of bed without help until later that evening, so Brad was the official diaper changer during that time. He even put her in her first outfit. (One of the nurses put a St. Luke's shirt on her earlier, but it was humongous, so we changed it. We checked the tag later and saw that it and every shirt like it in that little cart was size 12 mos. Huh?) I gave him instructions on how to do those things from the bed. After all, it was the first diaper he'd ever changed. I felt a little helpless not being able to do those things, but overjoyed that he was getting to. I still feel that those times, even the stinkier diaper changes, are really special and important. I get the most smiles from Avery while changing her. Relatives don't ask if they can change her diaper like they used to, LOL, and Brad and I don't rush to it like we did, but it's still something I'm very glad for.
The night before we were going to be discharged, we got our first taste of what our Subaru had in store for us. I ordered my dinner and had it brought up. While I was waiting I nursed the baby, and Brad decided to head to Winco to get something for himself to eat. I asked him to hurry, because when my food got there and she was done nursing, someone was going to need to hold her or at least put her in the little baby cart thing so I could eat before my food got cold. My food came and he still wasn't back so I just waited and kept snuggling with Avery. We dozed off. I woke up and looked at the clock to see that at least half an hour had passed and Brad still wasn't back. Remembering that I'd set my phone on silent, I reached for it and saw that Brad had tried calling multiple times. When I called him back, he was walking back to the hospital and eating on the way. When he left Winco and was driving back, the Subaru died and refused to start again at an intersection, so someone got out and helped him push it into the Costco parking lot, and now he was on foot. So I called a nurse to put the baby in the cart deal, and I went ahead and ate my cold pasta. This meant, to get the baby home in the morning, we were going to need a ride.
So we got a ride from Brad's parents. I was sad to leave and a little worried about how we were going to do without the help of the nurses, but the time had come and we were about to find out. The changing of the nurse's shifts was a little confusing to me. Two of them did my discharge interview and told me to call them when we were packed up and ready to go, but when I called, a nurse I'd never met came and wheeled me out. It seemed a little sad to me to leave all these different nurses who had been so much help to me in such a personal way without any "goodbyes" or anything, but it was all a part of reality setting in. It was time to move on. It was only a few days, but it felt like a lifetime of relearning how to do everything as a mother (including going to the bathroom-sorry! LOL. It's amazing the things you can forget how to do).
As we made our way out of the hospital a lullaby played over the loud speaker. I was told by the nurse that everyone in the hospital could hear it and that it was especially to announce our healthy baby on her way out. At long last, home as a family of three was in our sights.
Crying!! Love it.
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